This is Seb's masterpiece he created this morning, I call it "Brain Fuzz" and it is a perfect artistic interpretation of how my head feels most nights at about 8pm. Today was not a particularly stressful day, but a good example of how one (being me) can become accustomed to near constant chaos to the point were it no longer feels like chaos. During the course of today I experienced various emotions including sheer anger, utter panic, overwhelming love and serene peace. It seems that this sequence of emotions is on a kind of shuffle playlist on repeat (with a slight bias to utter panic) and playing throughout every day of my life with these two small children. Today my sofa's were graffitied on with cheap (i.e non-washable) crayon, myself, my other sofa and my rug were showered with vomit after a particularly scary bump to Bel's head, and I found a large puddle of wee wee on the second shelf up in Sebastian's closet. I asked Seb if indeed he 'd drawn on the sofa, pushed Isobel over the stair baby gate and peed in his closet (while standing on a chair?) and the answer was yes, to all of the above. Not that Isobel's an angel, she's been in and out of the kitchen cupboards today, distributing their contents around the house and down floor vents, she had her hands in the toilet at one point and I couldn't help but feel as though she was all to familiar with that little game. She's also enjoying testing out her upper vocal register by randomly screaming and screeching until even Seb can't handle the ear pain anymore. I vacuumed twice, trod on one squished grape, one squished pear and a few bits of banana and that was all before lunch!
It really is impossible to explain how difficult it is to be a parent 24 hours a day seven days a week. More so for us without the much needed and dearly missed support of our families but, as hard as it is, I've never been more amazed by or in awe of two people as I am my kids. Everyday I marvel at their sheer joy over the simplest things and it's in those moments, even with squished fruit under my feet, graffiti on my sofa and screeching in my ears that serene peace and overwhelming love wafts over me.